Becky Wiltjer - The World Race Sept. 2007

Haiti: Medical Ministry

Thu, 4 Mar 2010 00:00:00 GMT

While in Haiti I had the privilege of working with Haitian Christian Mission in Fond Parisien - a small town just across the border from Jimani in the Dominican Republic.

The ministry had already started a women's surgical center (mostly for OB-GYN stuff, I think), and after the earthquake they were able to turn the surgical building in to a makeshift hospital in which they were able to preform surgeries and take care of people that had been injured in the earthquake. They also run a clinic out of the mission that serves about 200-300 people per day, and though the women's surgical center was taken over for general surgeries, the mission is still a popular birthing place for Haitian women.

So where did my nursing skills fit in to all this? Well, pretty much everywhere, to be honest. I helped out in the "hospital" for a couple late-evening emergency cases - dressing some wounds, hanging IV's (mostly antibiotics), and helping to set a broken wrist. Our first full day of ministry I helped run the clinic - basically diagnosing and treating patients before the Haitian doctors and nurses got there, and then assisting in triage and wherever else I was needed. The big project of the week, though, was getting the pharmacy in order. New shelves were installed the first night that we were there, and the mission had received many donations that were just sitting in boxes and suitcases waiting to be unpacked and used. Since I love organizing so much (remember the orphanage "library" in Thailand?) I knew that God had put that task there just for me to do. So Andy (the only other person on the first medical team) and I took it upon ourselves to spend about a day and a half organizing and unpacking everything in the pharmacy (this was over the weekend - Saturday night and Sunday after church - so we weren't really "open" to see patients). Monday morning rolled around then, and because I knew where everything was and what medications we had available, I was asked to run the pharmacy for the remainder of the week. At first I was a little frustrated because I wasn't actually doing "nursing," but as the week went on I began to remember that God has a purpose for everything, and that even though I thought I was going to Haiti as a nurse He simply wanted to use me wherever He could. Since the clinic is staffed by Haitian doctors and nurses, we Americans were able to act as their support system - they could triage and see the patients on their own (which was actually easier because they spoke the language) and then send papers my way that said what medications to pull out and put in a plastic bag to send home with the patients. And it worked. (Also, I now know what antibiotics treat what diseases, which worm medications are a one-time dose and which are a longer course, how much tylenol an infant can take at one time, and what to use for scabies when regular scabies medication isn't available...)

Though the week was very chaotic at most times, and filling prescriptions can be very tiring, I had an amazing week just serving. I thrive in the behind-the-scenes ministry and this ministry fit my gifts perfectly. I'm so glad I got the opportunity to serve in this way!

Keep looking for more blogs (pictures will be coming soon as well!). It's taking me a while to process all the stories that I want to tell because I jumped right back in to my busy work schedule, but there are more great things coming!

Haiti: Getting There

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Sometimes I like to think that we make plans so that God can stretch us and teach us when things don't go as we want them to. I was reminded of that again on my way to Haiti...

I flew out of Denver at 830 in the morning and had layovers scheduled in Dallas, TX and San Juan, Puerto Rico before I was supposed to arrive in Santo Domingo (Dominican Republic) at 1030 at night. The first slight change of the day was that I arrived at the airport very early...and had to sit at my gate for about 2.5 hours before getting to fly out. No big deal, right? Just got a little bored sitting there for a while. Then, in Dallas, my flight was not showing up on the monitors and I wasn't actually issued a boarding pass in Denver so I really had no clue where to go. When I finally figured things out, my gate was changed three times and I was sent on a wild-goose-chase around the airport before boarding my flight to Puerto Rico.

Fast-forward a few hours to just after I landed in Puerto Rico: I looked at the monitor to double-check which gate my flight would be departing from, and instead I saw the dreaded word: cancelled. What in the world was I supposed to do? I had no internet access and no phone numbers for anyone at AIM, and, at the beginning, had absolutely no details about trying to get to the DR the next day. Thankfully, my mom was very understanding and helpful - I was able to call her on my cell phone and she contacted AIM and kept them up-to-date on where I was with getting to the DR. I was put up in a hotel and given food vouchers and taxi vouchers and booked on a flight the next afternoon, but told to be at the airport at about 700 in the morning because there was a flight at 830 that I was on the standby list for (and according to the ticket agent, would not be full and I would have no problem getting to the DR in the morning). Well, I got to the airport at about 630, went through security, and began a long day of getting my hopes up and then crushed as flight after flight were full...so the ticket for the 2pm flight ended up coming in handy after all. I finally made it to the DR at about 330 pm local time - about 17 hours after I was originally supposed to get there. I was finally able to meet my team, get a little food, and get some good rest before leaving for Haiti at 6 the next morning.

Getting to Haiti from Santo Domingo proved to be another adventure in itself that started with mass confusion about vehicles and packing, and ended by taking about 3 more hours than I thought it would (although we did have major favor at the border and were waved right through). I could write a whole story about the trip from Santo Domingo to Haiti, but our trip back to the DR is a better story so we'll save that one for later.

So the moral of the story is that things definitely don't always go as planned, but God is faithful through it all. While I didn't do any direct ministry during those couple travel days, I was able to hear some pretty good stories and meet people with big hearts for rebuilding Haiti. I was reminded that things happen for a reason, and that God always has my best in mind.

Stay tuned for more stories from Haiti! I'll be working on more blogs and getting some pictures up after working this whole weekend. Also, if you'd like to support me, contact me as to how you can do that! (Sorry, my WR support account isn't active, so no direct donating through the blog).

Made it to the DR. Leave for Haiti in the morning!

Thu, 11 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Haiti tomorrow

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 00:00:00 GMT

I shouldn't have made a promise on facebook that I'd update my blog before I left for Haiti. Between all the running around gathering last-minute items yesterday and the working 13 hours today, I just haven't had time to do this blog justice. But here's the very short story of me + Haiti.

Since I heard about the earthquake, I've wanted to help in a more tangible way than just sending money somewhere. See, I'm a nurse. Even before the World Race, before I finished college, before most of the mission trips I've ever been on, my heart's desire has been to be a "missionary nurse" (for lack of a better term). Basically, I wanted to go around the world and help meet people's physical needs so that their spiritual eyes could be opened. So I've been waiting for the right opportunity to do that, and the earthquake made me realize how strong my desire is to be out of mainstream America and helping people. I've been looking for medical opportunities, ways to get involved in Haiti, and saw that AIM was sending medical teams...so to make a very long and complicated story very short (since I need sleep before I leave for the airport in 6 hours) I talked to my manager at work and got the okay to take two weeks off, applied with AIM, got a plane ticket yesterday (read: bought plane ticket Monday to fly to the Dominican Republic Wednesday. read: I'm crazy) and am headed out in the morning.

I'm definitely in need of a lot of prayer covering for this trip. I don't know exactly what I'm walking in to, but I know God's covering me and protecting me. I'm also in need of some financial support. Since it's such a short time between applying and going on this trip, I had to pay the amount up-front, but if you'd like to support me, contact me and I'll send you my address and you can send me a gift (it's not tax-deductible, but is greatly appreciated!)

I still can't believe I'm actually doing this. Wow, God has worked in some pretty cool ways to make this trip happen. I'll try to write brief updates from Haiti and will fill all of you in on details and such when I get back to the States. Thank you in advance for your prayers and support!

Thoughts on moving

Sat, 9 Jan 2010 00:00:00 GMT

Here I sit, surrounded by boxes once again. My life is slowly being packed away into cardboard cubes, I'm sorting through things I want to keep and things I need to get rid of. This time, though, it's different. I'm not moving across the country or leaving to go around the world. I'm simply moving to a different house across town. It's still hard. It's emotional, going through things I had forgotten about, picking through pieces of my life, mementos from all the places I've been. My heart is being broken again and again as I remember...

I see the 2010 calendar I received from AIM that contains a picture I took in India. The world map on the back of my t-shirt blanket. The jewelry I've collected from various countries. The dishes I bought in college. The purse I bought at a conference, hand-made by women in Bosnia. My Nalgene full of stickers from Urbana and the World Race. The messenger bag I made with t-shirt scraps and a piece of fabric from the Kuna people in Panama. The figurine my mom sent when I was in the Philippines and missing my family dearly over Christmas. The bells we rang at one of my good friend's wedding a month ago. The nursing books I spent hundreds (probably thousands) of dollars on in college. The basket I bought from a tiny village in Malawi...the list could go on and on.

Everything inside me wants to pack up all this "stuff" and ship it back to my parents' house, and hop on a plane to some foreign destination. My dream is and has always been to be a missionary nurse, to live and travel overseas, to help kids who would otherwise have no access to health care, to love on people that are otherwise considered unloveable. My plan was to finish college, work for a couple years, and, by the time I was 25, be overseas trying to find my way.

The thing is, that wasn't God's plan, or at least not the timing of His plan. I finished college and instead of getting into a mainstream nursing job, headed out on this crazy adventure we call the World Race. And when I got back I was confused, unsure of where I was supposed to go or what I was supposed to do. I wandered for a while in Michigan, getting to know my family and friends again after being away for so long, finding a church that finally challenged me and encouraged me all at the same time, and then God said "move." So I moved, across the country, to Colorado Springs. I knew a handful of people but had no job lined up, no church community, and no idea what I was getting in to.

But God knew. His ways are perfect. His plans are best.

I've lived in Colorado for nearly a year, and though this year has not been easy, it's been good. After 4 moves, 3 jobs, 2 new churches, multiple road-trips, and countless adventures, I'm beginning to find myself again. Remember when the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years? God knew best for them, but they were too stubborn and stuck in their ways to see it, so He allowed them to wander, to become fully dependent on Him for even their daily bread. God's been doing the same thing with me. He knows I'm too stubborn to see things His way right away all the time, that I like to make my own plans and think they're best, so He allows me to wander, to search, and to come back and cling to Him when I realize that He is all I have and all I need.

And it just gets better the closer to Him I get. I still feel like I'm wandering, still have no idea what I'm doing after the next few months, and some days just plain want to give up and go crawling back to things that were once so familiar. But above all that, there is peace. I find joy in what I'm doing, and though my heart is continually being broken as I hear stories from orphanages and churches and relational ministry and unreached peoples, I have peace knowing that my turn with them will come again. I can go to work, and even though I may not love every minute, I know I'm learning valuable skills to store up for future use.

And I can pack my life up again, knowing that someday (hopefully soon) I'll be packing for a much bigger adventure than simply moving across town.

Orphans

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Tom Davis recently posted this on his blog, speaking about the recently-released film "Orphan."

I want to challenge my readers and friends to write 500 positive blog posts about how an orphan has impacted and changed your life. Post this on your own blog so that when people search for the movie, they are flooded with positive messages about adoption and orphan care.

Just finish this sentence: "Warner Bros. new horror movie Orphan proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Let me tell you about how an orphan changed my life..."

This is the heart of defending orphans. Help push back the darkness and deceit here by holding up as an example the powerful love that adoption and orphan care can unleash.

I've seen the previews for this movie, and it's appalling. And frightening. And it hurts my heart that this is the way Hollywood has chosen to portray orphans - precious children, children who often don't have a voice, children who are ostracized and often forgotten. So in contrast to Warner Bros. dark portrayal, let me share a few stories of how orphans have brought joy to my life.

Some of the first interactions I had with orphans were in Jamaica, at an orphanage for children with severe mental and physical disabilities. Even though we were only with these kids for a week, they impacted my life SO much. Most of them couldn't walk, talk, feed themselves, or really do anything. They were utterly helpless - we fed them, bathed them, changed their clothes, carried them around, played games with them, read them Bible stories...and the list could go on and on. But one thing these kids could do was smile. Their faces would light up as they began to recognize our team. They would have grins spreading from ear to ear because they knew we were there just to love on them. And their joy was contagious.

The summer after my Jamaica trip, I spent two months in India, and had the privilege of working in three different orphanages. While I could pick out hundreds of individual moments to share, one of my favorite memories comes from my team's time in Delhi, at the Emmanuel Orphanage there. On one of our last nights we decided to have a talent show, with acts from both our team and the kids. Some of the kids reproduced skits we had performed for them earlier that summer, some of the kids had learned DRIMES from our team, a choir had been formed of some of the best singers from the orphanage and they sang a song in English and one in Hindi (their native language), and a few of the kids made up their own routines or performed songs themselves. The one act that got to me the most was a group of kids who did an interpretive dance to a popular (English) worship song. I have no idea if they even really knew how the song translated or what the words were that they were dancing to, but they were so full of joy in dancing before their Creator - it was amazing.

There are so many more stories I have of how orphans have touched my life, but perhaps the story that's touched me the most is the one that has been more ongoing than the rest. A little over four years ago my family made the decision to adopt some kids from Russia - at that point we had no idea how many kids would be joining our family, how old they would be, or when this would actually take place. Well, fast-forward less than a year through a bunch of paperwork and two trips to Russia, and my parents came home with four wonderful kids who were no longer orphans. And over the last three and a half years that they've been home with us, through the good times and those times that were a little more rough, God has been faithful. I couldn't imagine my life without these very special kids in it now. Vlad is now 17, almost ready to get his driver's license, entering his third year of high school, playing tennis, becoming a typical teenage boy who likes his playstation, and is developing in to a great guy. Kristina is 16, starting her second cross-country season, becoming quite the social butterfly, and just a couple weeks ago stood up in front of her whole church to profess her faith in Jesus Christ (that part pretty much had me bawling). Angelina is 13, a true middle-schooler, who wants to be involved in everything, has a lot of friends, and is caught in between wanting to be a kid and a grown-up. And Nikolai is 12, just about to start middle school, who loves being outdoors and active and who has the ability to make anyone laugh with his funny antics and witty comebacks. And you know what? There is so much joy in these kids - their faces light up when mom makes special treats, they get giddy when they're allowed to hang out with friends, they grin from ear to ear each time I get to go home and visit them. And every time I think about my family, I think about how blessed we are to have been given the opportunity to take in kids who otherwise wouldn't have much of a future. There are so many things I can't begin to think about taking for granted anymore, after these kids have come in to my life. And so many more things that I am that much more grateful for because of what God has done in my family through a simple "yes" to His call on our lives.

So, despite what Hollywood says, orphans are loveable and lovely, full of joy and hope and life, precious children of God who we are called to care for and care about. They are people too, and do not deserve to be treated or portrayed in this dark and sinister way. Orphans have touched my life in more ways than I could ever possibly recount on this blog, and I am a better person because of them.

Stolen Blog

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 00:00:00 GMT

As I was perusing the World Race blog page today, I came across this one. I think it's a good reminder for all of us...

You Want Me To Do WHAT?!?!

By Brenda Wilchowy

This is an excerpt from one of my favourite books, The Vision & The Vow by Pete Greig:

"I was giving a friend a lift in my car, and we got to talking about life. "I don't know what God's calling me to do," he confessed, and asked me to pray about what it might be.

"Why?" I asked. "I already know what Jesus wants you to do!"

"You do?" he gasped with excitement. "So, what is it? What's my call?"

I paused enjoying the suspense. Drums rolled. String quartets tuned up. My friend held his breath...

"Your call," I said slowly, "is to be a worship leader..."

He looked pleased, really pleased, so I continued: "...but not necessarily with a guitar in your hand."

"Okayyy," he murmured.

"Your call is to befriend that funny little lady at the end of your street..."

He seemed less pleased with this prospect.

"Your call is to feed the hungry and to spend yourself on behalf of the poor..."

By now he was looking distinctly troubled.

"...and to offer hospitality to strangers who just turn up in town needing a place to crash."

Consternation.

"And it's to fast."

He was starting to look furious.

"And it's to pray so long and hard that you run out of words and tears."

There was no going back:

"Your call," I continued, "is to preach the good news of Jesus to every person who will listen and few who won't. Your call is to go somewhere, anywhere, wherever, whenever, for Jesus, and never stop. Your call is to love people no one else loves and to forgive them when they treat you like dirt--or worse. Do your job to the very best of your ability without grumbling about your boss or whining about your colleagues. Your call is to pray for the sick, and when they are healed, to dance all night. And when they aren't, to weep with them and love them even more."

I glanced across at him and was relieved to see that his expression was beginning to mellow.

"Your call is to honour your parents, pray for your leaders, study the Scriptures, and attend plenty of parties. Be a peacemaker in every situation: when the fight breaks out on the bus home late at night and when the gossip starts to circulate at church. Your call is to pick up litter in the street when no one else is looking, to wipe the toilet seat, to pull the gum off from under the desk. It's to get to meetings early to put out the chairs."

By now he was smiling.

"Your call is to make disciples and to teach them to obey everything Jesus commanded. And don't forget to minister grace to them when they sin. Which they will. Your mission is to baptize and to cast out evil spirits. Your call is to bind up broken hearts wherever you find them, and you will find them wherever you look. It's to visit prisons. And hospitals. And to..."

"Yeah, yeah," he interrupted good naturedly, trying to shut me up, but I was on a roll--and I knew he couldn't leave, because I was driving the car.

"Your call," I continued resolutely, "is to listen more than you talk and to listen with your eyes as well as your ears."

He was shaking his head in mock despair. I carried on: "it's to do the chores again and again without grumbling. It's to buy ethical coffee and to recycle your bottles. And while you're at it, don't forget to leave anonymous gifts on people's doorsteps."

By now we were both laughing, and I was finally running out of steam: "And when you've done all that," I grinned, jabbing him in the ribs at each syllable, "come back and see me, and we can spend a little time praying about Phase Two!"

The problem for most of us is not that we don't know what God wants of us. It's that we know exactly what He wants of us, and it's not what we want to do!"

A year? Really?

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Honestly, I've been trying to write a blog (in my head) for a couple months now. It just seems like every time I sit down at the computer to put what's in my mind on to paper (or screen, technically), I lose whatever it was I was thinking or get sidetracked by the myriad of internet sites and television channels vying for my attention. Whatever the excuse is, I know it's never good enough, so alas, I have forced myself to sit down and write whatever comes to mind. Just so you're warned...

Okay, somehow it's been a year since I got home. A year since my whole squad was together. A year since my feet have left American soil. A year. A full year. Where has the time gone? My goodness...I'm stuck trying to wrap my mind around the fact that it's really been a year. And it's been 5 months since I moved from Michigan to Colorado, 3 1/2 months since the last time I saw most of my squad together (at Danny and Colleen's wedding), and 3 months since I've written a blog. How time flies! Since it's been a while, I guess to get this blog re-started again I'll just give a little list of what's been going on for me the past while.

I applied for, was offered, and have started a nursing job at one of the newer hospitals here in Colorado Springs. I've been working for about 8 weeks now and have had some good training, and I feel like things are going pretty well. I'm getting some good critical thinking experience and learning a lot of things that will be helpful if/when I get to go back overseas.
My family came to visit (or at least part of it anyway). My parents and the four adopted kids went on vacation for a few weeks and wound up here at the end, so we went horseback riding in the mountains, driving up Pike's Peak, and whitewater rafting down the Arkansas River. In all, a great couple days and lots of fun just getting to relax and spend time with them.
I moved. What with Jackie leaving Colorado and the lease on our apartment being up, I thought it'd be a great time to find some new roommates and try out life somewhere else. So I moved across town and into a house with five other girls. Yeah, you heard me right - six girls in one house...sounds somewhat reminiscent of a certain world race team. So far it's going well. I'm feeling settled in and am starting to get to know the other girls, but it's crazy around here because we all have different schedules and are running all over the place at all hours of the day and night.
The G42 church/group/community/whatever-you-want-to-call-it is taking a hiatus from our weekly meetings. This is the group of racers and other random people who have jumped in and joined us under the leadership and authority of the Blacks and Paschalls...and is also a big part of why I moved out here, knowing there were these people around who would understand what I was going through and that I had some sort of connection with. It's been a tough transition, going from weekly gatherings to not really seeing people, but part of it for me is learning to be intentional about who I choose to spend my time with...I'm learning that I need to take the initiative and work hard to keep friendships. Relationships take work, people...you can't just sit on the sidelines and hope people will ask you to do things or whatever - it's work on everybody's part!
I'm looking for a new church. The first few weeks after I moved here were rough as I searched around the city for something that felt right and taught what I believe and came around me and supported me, so I ended up settling in the first place where I felt glimpses of those ideals. Now, I'm not out to blast that church, but it was rough because it's a very small group of people, and I was one of the only single people there...and that's probably what made it the hardest for me. So now I'm out looking again, and this time I'm going to be a lot more intentional and not just settle on the first place that looks promising. God knows I need to be surrounded by people my age and I am confident that He will provide the right place for me.

At some point here I'll try to get a real blog with some real thoughts/lessons I'm learning...but for now I hope this will suffice.

A White...Easter?

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

This morning I woke up to this:

That's right - it's snowing. Today. Easter Sunday. April 12, 2009. Snowing.

As I look past the humor in that I've experienced two green Christmases in a row and am now experiencing a white Easter, I see God's sense of humor unveiled in the lessons He teaches us through snow.

White is the color of purity. A blanket of white covers all the drab, brown, dead plants, and it reminds me that Christ covers all of our dirty and stained lives to make us pure before the Father.

Yet you have a few people in Sardis who have not soiled their clothes. They will walk with me, dressed in white, for they are worthy. He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. (Rev. 3:4-5)

Snow symbolizes cleanliness from sin. The blood of Christ is what cleanses us, and that is what we remembered in the crucifixion on Good Friday. But when we are cleansed by that blood, we are made clean, as white as snow; and that is what is symbolized by the snow on the ground this Easter morning.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. (Psalm 51:7)

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. (Isaiah 1:18)

Snow (and rain) bring forth life. As God sends rain and snow down from heaven, it waters the earth, and as the earth is watered, it becomes alive again. We see this through all of winter and springtime as snowstorms and heavy downpours ready the land, then plants come to life again, new flowers bloom, and trees produce fruit. New life is formed.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. (Isaiah 55:10-11)

Beauty. I think snow is beautiful, even when it comes "out of season." And this snowy white Easter morning, I see beauty instead of a mess, God's glory being revealed instead of chaos in weather patterns. My God certainly knows how to get His point across - all is made new today because of the power of the resurrection, the power that comes because the grave is empty. And that, my friends, is beautiful.

Dancing - part 2

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

The other day I wrote a blog about dancing with Jesus, and I've realized since then how many songs talk about dancing. So as my music was playing on shuffle today (great background noise!) this song came on:

I Hope You Dance
by LeAnn Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances, but they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their youth and wonder
where those years have gone)

I hope you dance

I hope you allow God's Spirit to move you. I hope you take the opportunities God places in front of you, take chances, and take leaps of faith. I hope you allow Him to lead you. I hope you can look back on your years and not have to wonder where they've gone, because you know that they've been spent following the Father as intimately as possible. I hope you continue to hunger for the only thing that can truly fill you - God himself. I hope you can see how big and mighty and awesome God is and how small and insignificant you are next to Him, and at the same time realize that He created all of this for you and created you for all of this and see just how much He loves you. I hope you look at closed doors as opportunities for God to work in a different part of your life, leading you to a new level of trust and a deeper commitment to running after Him. And mostly, I hope you dance.

Grieving with my AIM Family

Thu, 9 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Here's a point of prayer for you to lift up. I copied this blog from Seth Barnes, head of AIM (www.sethbarnes.com).

Sarah Buller, an AIM participant in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, was killed in an automobile accident on Sunday. And though they're rejoicing in heaven, we're all the poorer for it.

Her passing reminds us that God has called us to a road that is sometimes more than we can bear. Sarah set an example by following God's call in her life and ministering to the poor in South Africa. She loved Jesus and died serving him. We can't help but praise God for her life.

Her last blog entry a few weeks ago gives us a picture into her life: "We work with kids in the townships and I work with babies. Life is good here. some days are more crazy then others!!! My parents just come to see me! And it was GREAT! They got to see the whole team. We went to Swaziland a country with in South Africa. I LOVED IT! My Dad got to see old friends. I'm in love."

"In love" describes Sarah's life well. She was in love with life and with those around her. And they couldn't help feeling it. Recently she got a tattoo on her foot. It said love, and it had a bunch of stars around it. Each star represented one person in her family, one for mom, one for dad, and one for each of her eight siblings (four of whom are adopted). She wanted them to be with her wherever she went!

Teammate Nicole Eckenroth describes Sarah like this:

Sarah was one of the sweetest people I have ever met. She was accepting of everyone. She loved to have fun, and she had no fear. We jumped off of a bridge together, bungee jumped that is. She is a night owl. She liked to stay up later than most, and sleep in later than most.

Sarah was precious when we were in ministry. We worked together at a children's home, with abandoned and beaten babies and toddlers. She was so good with all the kids. She wanted to be a mother so badly. She could handle toddlers better than most people.

She loved nature, and being outside. She loved the beach... and having ministry right next to the beach. She was blown away by the beauty of creation.

She was artsy... always seemed to have her camera on her... then she would photoshop them.

She loved music. She had a beautiful singing voice.

She loved youth. The youth group we worked with, Firehouse, was blessed by her. She really was able to invest in the girls... to help grow them up in Christ.

Sarah loved to worship God. Her life was worship.

I had fun with her. One night, we didn't want to go to bed, so we sat outside in the yard. We laid in the grass star gazing, while Kevin played guitar. It was a perfect night!

Then another night, we stuck our head out the window while laying on a bed and looked at the stars... or tried to look. the whole time we couldn't stop laughing... we were sooooo giddy!

Sarah just liked to have fun. She brought joy wherever she went. She was never negative. She loved what she was doing. She loved God and loved people.

She was amazing! And it's so hard to think that she is not around anymore, but I know, she is in the Lord's presence. She has no pain. She has complete and perfect joy! She is missed. But I can't wait to see her again!

Teammate Beth Lynch wrote this about Sarah, "I think one of my favorite stories of her was when she and a few other girls drove to a lion park for the day. Sarah went into a cage with a lion cub and he pounced on her. She came back with a torn shirt and minor scrapes on her arm and stomach. She was so excited about it! We all laughed about how when she got home she could say that when she went to Africa, she was attacked by a lion."

"During Thanksgiving break, we went to Cape Town. We spent eight long hours in the car but it was so much fun! We goofed off and sang at the top of our lungs as we drove. That weekend we visited Table Mountain and it was the most gorgeous site any of us had ever seen."

* * * * * *

The local paper in Minnesota, where she was raised, posted an article about Sarah.

If her home-going leaves us overwhelmed by sadness, we have the consolation of knowing that sometimes God loves us so much, he asks for our best. And in receiving Sarah into his loving arms, he got the best we had.

Extra prayer point: Christina Via, one of my new friends in Colorado, will be leaving for South Africa on Friday to comfort Sarah's team and help them through this difficult time. She and her husband Chris were FYM leaders with AIM in South Africa for a couple years (Chris has to stay in Colorado because of his job). She'll be taking the team to Tom and Cindy Sipling's house in Cape Town (where my team stayed in February of last year) and will be helping them make decisions about what to do next. Pray for safety in travel, for strength for Christina, and for Tom and Cindy as they open their house to a group of hurting and needy people.

Dancing with my Jesus

Sun, 5 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

While I was at church this morning, I realized that I am unable to sit still, or even stand still, when there is music playing. I have to move: sway to the beat, move my feet, clap my hands, tap my toes...something, anything, as long as I'm moving. When I'm driving down the road I have the same problem - if the radio is on in my car, I'm tapping my fingers against the steering wheel or bobbing my head to the beat. I even remember way back in the day when I pretended to play the piano on the back of the pew in front of me in the church in which I grew up - I have this incessant need to move to music.

Lately I've been drawn to dance, a form of organized movement that always revolves around music. I've watched movies about dancing ("Take the Lead," "Step Up," and "Save the Last Dance" are some of my favorites, and "Pride and Prejudice" has some amazing dancing scenes as well). I've been to wedding receptions that have a lot of dancing. I grew up doing gymnastics, and then later figure skating, so I'm not a stranger to movement; however, dancing has never been my forte. I've never had anyone to dance with, never had a boyfriend to lead me out on to the floor at high school or college dances, never had a close enough guy friend to take me out dancing, never gotten in to the club scene where I could go dance with random people. I guess you could say I'm a "closet dancer" - I experiment with movement in my apartment or in places where nobody will see me because I think I look funny or that my movements are awkward.

Dancing inspires me, though...even if I'm not good at it or haven't done it much. To see a woman follow her partner out on to the floor, trusting him to lead her around without causing her to crash in to anyone or fall; to see couples spin around, totally oblivious to anyone else; to see groups of people moving together in these crazy, well-choreographed, intricate movements - that inspires me, it moves me and makes me want to move.

My relationship with Jesus is a dance of sorts. He takes my hand, leads me out in to the unknown, shows me all the steps at the exact right time, catches me when I fall, twirls me around and lifts me up in the air when He's excited about something. There are times we're dancing quickly and are moving a lot, where I'm full of excitement and energy. There are also slow dances where we simply sway together, where I'm caught up in His embrace, leaning my head on His chest as we move together. There are dances I have never seen before, steps so confusing that I fall flat on my face - but He is always there to pick me up, dust me off, and show me again and again until I finally get it. There are dances we've done together a million times, dances I could grow tired of but instead take as opportunities to lean in and savor the sweetness of being close to my Jesus. There are times I try to make up my own steps, try to break out and do something on my own, and He simply stands there and waits for me to return to Him, waits for me to realize that His dance is the only one worth dancing.

I want to dance with my Jesus and for Him alone. I want to spin around with Him through fields of wildflowers. I want to sway with Him in the courts of the throne room of heaven. I want my steps to mirror His as I walk through this everyday life. And when I stumble, I want to know that He is beside me to pick me up and to set me right back in to this dance we call life.

Do Over

Mon, 9 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Little kids love the phrase "do over". They use it constantly: you were in my way: do over! you didn't tell me that rule: do over! he pushed me: do over! she was yelling at me: do over! his truck ran in to mine: do over! They seem to think that any time something doesn't go their way, they can simply call a do over and start back at the beginning.

Sometimes we, as adults, wish we could have a "do over" too, like the times we say things we shouldn't about people we care about, times we look at something we shouldn't be looking at, times we intentionally hurt someone because they've hurt us first, times we don't study for that test we really need to pass in order to graduate college, times we see a situation in which we could and should help and pass it by instead. We have an inherent desire to make things right, to be on the right track, to do the right thing, but sometimes our humanity gets in the way, and later, our conscious prompts us into wanting a "do over."

I wrote a blog a really long time ago about how God gives us second chances: sometimes He'll call a "do over" for us because He wants us to make things right. Sometimes, though, He lets us learn from our mistakes, our experiences, our choices...in order for us to grow closer to Him. These past seven-ish months have taught me to embrace the experiences God has allowed me to have and to learn from them instead of wanting to go back and do things differently. There were times I doubted why I was ever on the World Race or wondered if it was such a good idea to go when I did, there were ministry sites I wanted to go back to and do things differently at, there were people I wanted to go back and see and have different relationships with. But God had a purpose in all of it: in me going on the Race, in the places my team went and the people we met and the experiences we had.

Knowing what I know now about the economy and specifically the nursing job market (there aren't even many nursing jobs available, even though it's been called a "recession-proof career choice"), I was asked recently if I still would have gone on the World Race right out of college, or if I would have chosen to work a couple years to get some experience and then taken some time off. The selfish part of me (the part that wishes I was employed and taking care of little sick kids) says "yes" - I should have gone the same path as all my classmates: graduate, get nursing license, get nursing job, work for a couple years...then maybe go on the World Race if it's convenient. From my heart, though, I don't think I would have done anything differently.

Going on the World Race taught me about myself: my gifts (healer, servant, prophet), my talents (making joyful music to my God, encouraging others, playing with kids), my dreams (to take care of marginalized women and children and provide for their basic health care needs), my hopes and desires (to see a generation rise up and bring God's kingdom to earth, to see people step out into what they're called to do). It taught me how to relate with others (because as much as we all want community around us, living in community is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, and certainly one of the most rewarding as well). It taught me to see people how Jesus sees them, and not just another "case" or "patient" or "homeless man walking down the street." It taught me so much about my relationship with God: full trust in Him, His faithfulness, waiting on His timing, intimacy with my Father.

So if I went back to my senior year of college, the time when everyone else was applying for jobs and hoping they'd get what they wanted, I would still be sitting in the background at the job fairs, half-heartedly making my rsum, waiting eagerly for graduation so that I could go out and see the world, so that I could make a difference without necessarily having a title attached to my name. I took a chance by not getting in to the nursing field right after my graduation, and this is one time I don't want to call a "do over." I wouldn't have been ready.

Instead of looking back at the World Race and seeing the things I wish I could have done differently, I've now been looking back and seeing how God used certain experiences to mold me and shape me for whatever it is that He has for me in the future. I see the children I held and cried over, how my heart broke for the little sick ones that cannot get help - and how God has given me a heart to advocate for these little ones. I see the times my team got in to heated discussions or times I simply didn't want to talk to one or more of my teammates because of some silly reason or another, times that God taught us how to live as sisters instead of strangers - and I see that God has given me an ability to communicate, an ability to relate that I wouldn't have had without those experiences. God has definitely had a plan for me all along, and He uses even the experiences that I thought were bad and turns them in to valuable teaching lessons, reminding me constantly of His love and faithfulness.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you a hope and a future.'"
Jeremiah 29:11

Expect Big Things

Thu, 5 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next.
Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until
both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the
same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful
anticipation deepens. All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The
difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's
not only around us; it's within us. The Sprit of God is arousing us within.
We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours
are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us,
any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in
the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer
we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy."
(Romans 8:19-25, the Message, bold type my emphasis)

I wish I could just slap up that passage and call it my blog. There's some great stuff that Paul wrote
(and Eugene Peterson paraphrased) there...and it's all about expectation.

As Christians, we can do one of two things when it comes to the waiting periods that God allows us to go through in our walk with Him. One, we can sit idly by, twiddling our thumbs, bored out of our minds because we can't seem to grasp hold of what God is doing. Or two, we can wait in eager expectation, straining at the bit to see where God is going to lead us, hopeful of the Kingdom He is bringing, and anticipating the great things He is going to do.

I've been guilty of doing the first thing far more times than I care to count or admit. I've often thought that waiting periods are just that...times to sit and wait without even trying to see what God wants to do. Now, though, I'm learning to live in eager expectation, to wait actively. I'm learning to expect that God is on the move and to expect big things from Him even when it feels like I'm completely stuck in a rut and going nowhere.

Sometimes it's a physical act, this stepping out in faith. But more often, for me anyway, it's much deeper. It's spiritual. It's connecting my head to my heart. It's growing in who I am in God while simply trying to hold on wherever God leads. It's about voicing my expectations, my hopes, my dreams, my desires...even when physically it doesn't seem like things are going anywhere. It's all about trusting my Father to not only provide for my basic needs, but also help me flourish in every way.

And so I share my thoughts with you. My dreams. My prayers. My expectations. And I pray that God will expand my faith, because as Romans says, "the longer we wait, the larger we become."

I live in expectation of what God is going to do.
I expect God to work on my heart and in my life.
I expect to see a generation rise up and claim this earth as God's kingdom.
I expect to continually be broken as I hear stories of vulnerable and abused children.
I expect to be able to love on and work with children.
I expect to learn and grow and develop in my role as a nurse.
I expect to be a part of what God is doing around the world.
I expect to be humbled and to sometimes fall flat on my face.
I expect to have to hang on tight as I follow God in this crazy wild ride He calls life.

Pray Big Prayers

Tue, 3 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Heal my heart and make me clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
(Hosanna, Hillsong United)

Prayer is dangerous: it can sometimes make things happen that we don't expect or necessarily even want, but we pray for them to happen anyway.

Take, for instance, the words to the song above. Those are pretty big prayers, not mere statements to be made lightly. For the last few years, I've said prayers similar to those. Seemingly insignificant, one-line prayers like "God, break my heart" or "God, I want to love people like You love them." And there were times He would answer, and my heart would break momentarily for someone or something. But eventually I would forget that prayer, forget that I had even said anything.

God doesn't forget, though. And sometimes His answers are long in coming. Sometimes He'll wait a while to give an answer because we're not ready for it when we ask. That's what happened to me recently.

My heart broke. And not from anything I was expecting, not from me praying "that prayer" over myself. Saturday night I went to church and the sermon was on 1 John 4:19-21 (keep in mind that a pretty big chunk of 1 John is about love):

We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God,"
yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother,
whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.
And he has given us this command:
Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Basically, we're all orphans, adopted in to the family of God. We can only love because God loved us so much that He gave Himself up for us. And as orphans, adopted and redeemed, we're called to love other orphans...those who are not yet part of His family.

So the pastor starts talking about orphaned, enslaved, trafficked, fatherless, impoverished children of God. Our brothers and sisters are in bondage. They are forced to do things they do not want to take part in. They are hungry and homeless. And we, as Christ-followers, are called to love them with the love of God.

And it hit me, somewhere in the midst of the statistics that were read, that these are the ones God's heart breaks for. And something happened inside me that night - my heart started breaking. I tried to ignore it, tried to suppress the tears, so that I could look like I had it all together. But I was broken. Completely broken. I cried myself to sleep, asking God Why do these little ones have to suffer? Why are they ignored, cast out, forgotten about? What can I do?

Pray for them.
Never stop thinking about them.
Share their stories.
Advocate for them.
Above all else, LOVE THEM with My love.

I can be Jesus to the least of these. I can love them and care for them and pray life over them and proclaim freedom for them and help set them free. And I can only do it because God broke my heart for something that is dearly important to Him. And it's all because of a "little" prayer I prayed - Jesus, break my heart for the things that break yours.

Dream Big Dreams

Mon, 2 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

Recently I've found myself dreaming. A lot. It's not that I don't have a life and responsibilities, but it is true that right now I'm in a season of waiting. And so I dream.

I dream of working with kids. Making little ones smile. Holding tightly those who are sad or scared. I dream of using my nursing education to make a difference. Of being able to advocate for sick kids. Of providing basic health care to those who can't otherwise manage to get it.

But I wonder will my dreams ever come true? Will I ever be able to do these things? How can I do this without a very large support base, without at least a couple years of nursing experience? Is my dream too big for God?

And as I was contemplating this last night, I actually found myself asking Him that very question: Is my dream too big for you? Seriously, I went to the Creator of the Universe, the Ultimate Dreamer, and asked if my dreams were too big for Him to bring to fulfillment? Shouldn't I already know the answer to that question?

God has a way of gently responding, a way of loving me past all my doubts, failures, and insecurities. And so He answered me: No, your dream is not too big for me. Keep dreaming. Nothing about when it's going to happen, or how, or where. Just the calm reassurance that my dreams will never be too big for Him. He knows my heart. He knows where my desires are, what I'm longing for. And He answers. And He calls me to trust that He knows best, that He has a plan, that He loves me.

And so I keep dreaming. And trusting. Because I serve a God who is all-powerful and all-knowing and all-around-amazing. A God who dreams.

Hungering for God

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Oh God, You are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for You,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water."
(Psalm 63:1 NIV)

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."
(Matthew 5:6, NIV)

What do you hunger, thirst, long for? Where do you seek satisfaction? Where do you look for fulfillment? What keeps you busy?

Many of us are getting ripped off by the world because we hunger for the things the world offers, and we seek satisfaction and pleasure from worldly things instead of getting true satisfaction from the things of God and instead of hungering and thirsting for the true righteousness of God. Many of us are busy with the world and all its distractions, and we end up giving Jesus our leftovers instead of blessing Him with our first fruits.

To hunger and thirst means to long for, crave, and have a consuming passion for something. Hunger is a lasting experience, not something that is quickly or easily satisfied. It's an "all-the-time, never going away" thing. Hunger is when we can't get enough - in this case, it is when we simply cannot get enough of God. And God blesses our hunger - when we desire God, He will fill that desire and become a part of us.

Are you hungering for God? Thirsting for His righteousness? Hungering for His ways and His word? Are you excited with joy in your heart to be obedient to His word because of how much You love Him?

If we really want to hunger for God, we have to forsake the world and say "no" to the things that are keeping us from God, and we truly have to desire to prayerfully follow the Lord with our whole hearts.

Falling on my knees in worship,
Giving all I am to seek your face,
Lord all I am is yours.

My whole life I place in your hands,
God of mercy, humbled I bow down
in your presence, at Your throne

I called, You answered
and You came to my rescue
and I want to be where You are

In my life, be lifted high,
In our world, be lifted high,
In our love, be lifted high.

praise belongs to You

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

praise belongs to You
let every kingdom bow
let every ocean roar
let every heart adore You now

praise belongs to You
what can i do but sing
the greatest joy i've found
is to lay a crown before my King
before my King

i've come to worship, i've come to lift up Your name
for You deserve this life laid down like the one that You gave
i have but one voice, one heart, and one sacrifice
so won't You take this life laid down and be glorified
be glorified

praise belongs to You
let songs of children rise
You silence all your foes
You set your glory in the skies

praise belongs to You
creation's calling out
for the King to be revealed
oh King of heaven come down
King of heaven come down

i've come to worship, i've come to lift up Your name
for You deserve this life laid down like the one that You gave
i have but one voice, one heart, and one sacrifice
so won't You take this life laid down and be glorified

(glorified, by jared anderson)

praise belongs to You. all of our praise belongs to the One who created us to praise Him. all of our worship, our adoration, our longing, devotion, our admiration...all of it belongs to God. and when we are praising God, all of us should be completely focused on all of Him, or, like another song says, taking part in the art of losing myself in bringing You praise.

the weekend before i left michigan i was privileged to help out with a winter retreat for middle schoolers. now, i'm going to be honest and say that middle school kids are not necessarily my favorite age group to work with - they're at a stage in life where they can be very influenced by their peers and generally don't listen well to adults, plus they can be whiney and clique-y and full of themselves (but then again, can't we all?). however, i realized during this retreat that, if put in the right kind of environment with strong leadership and sound Biblical teaching, middle schoolers can also revert back to that child-like faith, that all-out adoration that i was talking about earlier. they open up to their peers and leaders, they pray over each other, they selflessly allow others to go first in line, they step up.

so here's what i want you to do, God helping you: take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering. embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. instead, fix your attention on God. you'll be changed from the inside out. readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

(romans 12:1-2, the message)

during one of the worship times, one of the band members read that passage, the verses most of us know from the NIV as stating that we are to be "living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God." and the kids listened. they got it. they started worshipping from their hearts instead of just mouthing the words. they were focusing their attention on God and allowing God to change them from the inside out.

they began to be different, putting all parts of their lives before God. they didn't care so much about what their friends were thinking. they thought about the choices they were making, the things they were spending most of their time on. they rearranged their priorities. they were called, and they responded.

these kids were dancing before their King. they were sending all their adoration up to Him. they were allowing God to do something in their hearts. and it was so simple. and so pure. and all for His glory and the praise of His name.

road trip, part two

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

so...now that all the fun stories are out of the way it's time for some of my thoughts on moving cross-country and what God's doing in my head and in my heart.

one of the reasons i wanted to stay in Michigan was the amazing church i've been a part of for the last 5 months and the even-more-amazing small group that i've been blessed by. so Monday night, my last night of bible study, after our normal prayer-request-sharing time my leader gathered our small group around me and had them pray over me. totally a God-thing. the time i've spent with those girls has meant more to me than any other bible study group i've ever been a part of, and i had only known most of them for 5 months or less. girls, if you're reading this, i'm going to miss you a lot. thanks for everything.

in one of my moments of panic whist driving (i think it was when the "check engine" light was on in my car), i was talking to my mom and expressed that i couldn't do this anymore, that i just wanted to turn around a come home, that it was too hard. in her calm and rational manner she reminded me that i had felt called to leave Michigan and that God wanted me in Colorado, but that He never said it would be an easy thing for me to get there. i swallowed my self-pity and agreed, even though i didn't so much believe it at the time (fake it until you make it, right?). through talking to a few people and since i've gotten here, though, it's been confirmed that i am supposed to be here, however long or short a time, and that this is and will be a good thing.

in a moment of less stress during the drive, while i was talking to Caitlin, she asked how i was doing and i started crying (again) and relayed all the stressful things from earlier that day...and her sweet response was "you have faith, right? and you know God is faithful, right? that's all you need." oh how simple that sounds. i have faith in a faithful God...so why do i doubt that this is where i'm supposed to be? why do i doubt that He'll provide a job or some source of income? why do i doubt, period? faith, as i've learned, is a process. He's not going to give me more than i can handle, and right now even though i think this is way out of my league, He's saying "I want to increase your faith, I want you to trust ME even more deeply. stop looking to the same people for help all the time, look to ME instead. i can and will provide for you, but in MY way and not necessarily in the way you would like." okay, God. i'm here. do what You will.

so yeah, i'm here and i'm taking things one day at a time. and God is increasing my faith and causing me to trust in Him and turn to Him more and more each day.

road trip, part one

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 00:00:00 GMT

so this week i moved across the country. literally. from michigan to colorado - that's about a 20-hour drive if done in one fell swoop. driving that kind of distance provided me with many stories as well as a lot of thinking and processing time.

so first, the stories:

day one of travel was wednesday. i left my parents' house in michigan at about 730am (eastern time), had my dad follow me to make sure the car-top carrier was staying in place okay, visited kari, drove through a lot of rain/mist/fog, saw a really cool sky, almost hit a deer in iowa, and got to northwestern college, where my 20-year-old sisters go to school, at about 8pm (central time) - in all about 13 1/2 hours of travel. then i proceeded to hang out with said sisters for quite a while even though i was exhausted.

side note: when i visited my teammate kari on the way out, she shared how she didn't want to be working in an office among all Christian people in the town in which she grew up, but in God's divine sense of humor that's exactly where He has her right now...and she knows she's doing exactly what she's supposed to and she's thriving in it. just a bit of an encouragement to me in the midst of a long day.

day two wasn't so much travel as it was "hang out with the sisters that i don't get to see very much." i slept in (or attempted to, anyway), colored, watched a movie, played cribbage, ate their food, hung out with their roommates, and pretended i was in college for a day (without any of the actual school stuff, though). it was great to just spend time with them, and i definitely needed a day of rest in between two long travel days.

day three, friday, longest day ever. i left northwestern at 7am, hoping to make it to colorado springs around 5pm. by the time i got to omaha, nebraska (2 hours down the road), i realized it had started to snow. hard. and that the roads were getting bad. so i called my mom and her response was basically "turn around." yikes...definitely not what i wanted to hear at that point in the day. so to make a long story short, i drove around the major snowstorm, freaked out when the "check engine" light came on in my car (turns out it wasn't anything that was going to leave me stranded or even really affect me, so i could keep going and be fine), watched a semi-truck start moving over on top of a car not too far in front of me, drove across almost the entire flat state of kansas, and ended up traveling for about 14 hours instead of 11. that's a really long day. however, during that time, i was able to have many conversations with jackie (fellow world racer that i moved in with in colorado), renee and caitlin (teammates), and my mom (because that's what moms are for!)...so thanks, friends, for keeping my day upbeat and entertaining me with your funny stories and ramblings. :-)

so friday night i got to jackie's apartment (i guess it's my apartment now, too), and as we were carrying the first load of my stuff up the steps a couple nice guys came out and asked if we needed some help...bonus! so instead of just unloading a little bit like i had planned, we had the entire contents of my car on the living room floor in about 20 minutes time. it was wonderful to not have stuff all over my car anymore, and when i woke up the next morning and wanted something i didn't have to go all the way down to my car to find it. also, when i walked in to my bedroom in the apartment, i was greeted with a pile of goodies compiled from suggestions from my beloved teammates. so basically jackie rocks for buying that stuff and my team rocks for knowing me well enough to know what kinds of comfort foods and fun things i would like.

stay tuned for all the random thoughts and ponderings from my drive, coming up in "road trip, part 2."

release

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

that's the word that's been playing itself on repeat in my head this last week. release. so, i'm scared about the implications, but God is going to hold me up. i'm moving. and we're not just talking 5 miles down the street from my parents' house, or even 50 miles for that matter. no, i'm heading out to colorado springs, co.

now some of you might be thinking "it's about time" while others of you are scratching your heads and trying to figure out if i meant caledonia instead...but really, my response is: yes, it's time, and i did say "colorado."

this has actually been a long time coming (like, i've been contemplating it since africa...), but for the last six months i've felt a sense of obligation/duty to stay near my family and in the area in which i grew up (gotta love west michigan!), and now i feel released to head out to colorado and get a fresh start. why now? why not right after i came home from the race? why not wait another few months? God's timing is perfect, and a couple things have happened recently that helped me know it's okay to move on and move out.

first, my job situation. or lack thereof. i'm not doing something i enjoy all that much (i mean, who doesn't want to work retail after they've graduated from college with a nursing degree?), i'm not really making enough money to live off from, and i have four years of blood, sweat, and tears into a degree and license that i'm not using. michigan isn't looking too promising on the job market (even in nursing, surprise surprise), and things are looking worse in that area every day where i live. so i'm hoping for a nursing job. or somewhere i can use my skills and training as a nurse to positively affect the lives of other people.

secondly, Christmas is over, and people have settled back down in to "normal" again. selfishly, i wanted to be with my immediate family over Christmas and knew that if i had moved sooner and had gotten a job that i probably wouldn't have been able to spend that time with them. so we headed down to florida as a family and spent one last Christmas all together before we "kids" get too grown-up to do so.

third, i had a "goodbye/hello/goodbye/hello" kind of week last week. a close friend's grandmother passed away after a short battle with cancer, and though i love being around my friend and felt called to stay and support her through this time of trial, i've felt released from the major supporter/comforter/pray-er role i've had the last two months. my uncle got married to a wonderful Haitian woman, and their wedding sermon was about reconciliation (2 Cor 5) - it just kind of struck a chord with me...can't really explain this in a quick way. then a close friend of mine who is serving in asia left for another two years there (she was home for about 2 months over Christmas) - i was able to spend some time with her, sharing stories and catching up on the last couple years of our lives, before she headed back overseas. finally, a good friend of one of my sisters made profession of faith at my parents' church (it's kind of like adult baptism, without the baptism part...becoming a member of the church. anyway...), and since my sisters had just left for college less than a week before that, i was able to be around to congratulate and encourage and support her. i've also been talking with my parents about moving and money a lot since returning home from the race - i came home about on empty financially - and they've been warming up to the idea of me moving as well as realizing that i'll be able to take care of myself (i'm the oldest girl in my family, so they can be somewhat protective...love you mom and dad!)

and arcing over all of this, over all the different circumstances and events that have taken place in my life the last few months, God has been whispering "it's time." still and quiet, yet persistently, He is nudging me toward greatness one little whispered word at a time.

i've struggled since returning home. a lot. with a lot of different things...especially being able to hear God's voice over all the other ones that clammer form my attention. but He has remained faithful, and as He whispers "come" and "it's time" in my ear, i'm ready to listen and i'm ready to go. and i'm ready to see what crazy things God has in store for me in Colorado.

how can you support me in this journey? pray for me! pray for smooth transitions, safe travel, and for job/ministry opportunities to open up so i can hit the ground running in colorado. pray for my family i'll be leaving here (and visiting in iowa on the way, or so they tell me) and for the community of friends i'll be joining in to out there. pray for wisdom in the decisions i'll be making and for discernment to know what things are from God and what are not. and follow along with my story. yes, there is internet in colorado (and i'm pretty sure it's even faster than a lot of the other places i've traveled to in the last year+), and yes, i do intend to keep blogging so that those of you who've been following me will be able to keep updated on life's happenings out there.

my story

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

so, i promised that i would write a blog about "my story" after my original "what's your story" post, but every time i've opened my computer lately i've been a little distracted (i've also been distracted by a lot of other things, but that's for another blog, another day). anyways, here's my story...

as i was glancing through my notes from the conference to see what i wanted to write about, two scripture references caught my attention and reminded me of God's greater purpose for all of us who know Him:

"'everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.' how then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? and how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? and how can they hear without someone preaching to them? and how can they preach unless they are sent? as it is written, how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" (romans 10:13-15)

"look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. for i am going to do something in your day that you would not believe, even if you were told." (Habakkuk 1:5)

God is doing big things in our world, he is sending more and more people to reach the unreached, and he's not going to let anything stand in his way. as humans, we just get to play along in the drama that he is unfolding. sometimes he chooses to use us, and sometimes he chooses to have us sit on the sidelines so that he can teach us something else. (i could write another whole blog about this stuff, but for now, just know that those verses had a huge impact on me and reminded me of quite a few things).

the story'08 conference was, for me, a time of reflection and renewal. what a year it's been, huh? i started out with midnight fireworks over the city of manila, spent three weeks in the frozen vastness of china, then headed to africa and central america before heading back to the states. and then went in to what seemed like forever of dwelling in the unknown, a trip to florida over Christmas with my family, and ending the year with stories from around the world that culminated in an amazing time of prayer for the nations and some crazy-awesome worship as the clock struck 2009.

i say it was a time of reflection because i was able to look back at all my own stories from this last year and see what God did in all those places. i could tie in talks about Buddhism with what i experienced in southeast asia. i could see faces in my mind of people who are ministers of the gospel and are persecuted because of it. i could picture joy on the faces of new believers as i heard countless stories of people hearing the name and power of Jesus for the first time.

it was also a time of renewal because, after a few months of frustration, after getting sidetracked by this crazy society we live in, i remembered (part of) why i'm here - to bring Christ's light wherever he puts my feet. i remembered a vision he gave me way back at the beginning of the race, where i was walking on a dark globe but where my feet landed light spread from those places. God's reminding me now that even here in America there are dark places that need to be illuminated, hurting people who need comforting, and lost people who need someone to guide them home to Jesus. he's reminding me that wherever i am, i an be used by Him. he's also renewing my passion for the unreached, and even though i have no idea where that will take me, i'm excited.

let me tell you, these last (almost) six months since returning to Michigan have not been easy. rejection, hard times, financial issues, and apathy have faced me. but God is good. and for the time being, i'm where he wants me, even if it's hard for me, even if i've longed for something different.

so my story, vague though it may seem, is that i'm continually being molded so i can best be used by God. not gonna lie - this part of life can be super hard. but like i've said over and over, God is good. and he's going to hold me up through all the tough times. and through whatever he sends my way, he's making me more like him, and that's right where i want to be.

10 Reasons to Go on the World Race

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

So Matt Snyder, another World Race alum, asked us to post this on our blogs. You should read it. And apply for the World Race. It's pretty much amazing...

Maybe you're sitting behind the computer screen contemplating reasons why you should go on the World Race. Here are ten reasons for you:

<!--[i1.You learn who you are. Going on the World Race introduces you to the person that God wants you to be. You won't necessarily be the Jack Bauer or Indiana Jones of missionaries, but you'll definitely learn what the heart of God is and how He wants to use that to show you who you need to be in the Kingdom. And let's face it - you're more than just another employee slaving away in a cubicle, or a student going blindly into the real world' after college.

<!--[i2.You get to see the world. Surely somewhere within you there's a desire to see the world. Most people think it's only a fantasy or a fairytale, but let's be honest, with God anything is possible. The World Race takes you to over ten different countries across four different continents... and God pays the bill, not you. Plus you can tell everyone you've been to Africa.

<!--[i3.You can't be labeled a boring Christian. Most people think that Christianity is kind of a drudge and there's propaganda everywhere claiming that. Well, thankfully, you don't have to be a boring Christian. Twenty-four hour bus rides through the African bush is anything but boring, and feeding orphans and widows is a lot more adventurous than people give it credit for. But there's only one way to find out.

<!--[i4.You will change the world. This isn't meant as a joke - you really will change the world. For each life you touch and empower with the love of God, they in turn will touch a life. It's just like the pay-it-forward principle, only with Jesus and love. It's pretty cool. This gets engrained into your everyday life when you go on the World Race. Maybe along the way you'll change the life that's going to find the cure for AIDS.

<!--[i5. You learn to hear God's voice. Seriously, God still talks. There are a lot of rumors going on out there that He has a British accent and that He even talks in Spanish. Moses and Jesus weren't the only ones who had an in' with God; you do too. Going on the World Race perfects your ear for His voice.

<!--[i6.You get to learn the things you didn't learn in Sunday school. What if, hypothetically speaking, they didn't teach you something in Sunday school? Would you know what is? Because on the World Race, they know what you didn't learn... and they're willing to teach it to you.

<!--[i7.You'll raise the dead. You really will raise the dead... literally and figuratively. There haven't been any reported cases of World Racers raising the literally dead yet, but maybe you will be our first. It's been prophesied... are you it?

<!--[i8.Learn about the Matrix. Maybe the Wachowski brothers were onto something when they created that infamous movie back in the late 90's. What if you really are living in a reality that isn't really reality? If you've ever wondered if there's something behind everything you see, you should check out the World Race - swallow the red pill and see how far the rabbit hole goes.

<!--[i9.You learn what community really is. Relationships can only go so far with people when you're sharing just a dorm room for nine months. Community runs a lot deeper than a dorm room. Living life with a group of people united in purpose and Truth changes things - like the world. Explore the heart of Acts community and see it come to life through relationships that you'll maintain even after the World Race.

<!--[i10.Pursue the dream God's planted in you. Sometimes there are dreams we have in life that get crushed by your typical 9-5 obligations. The World Race helps awaken your wildest dreams and plants a picture in how they can fit into the Kingdom. Do what you love doing while seeing God's Kingdom come to life through your life.

So what's it going to be? You're sitting on the edge of something great and it's as easy as applying. This is more than a mission trip. Go on the World Race and change your life and others'. There's something more out there... are you willing to look for it?

Apply here.

what's your story?

Thu, 8 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

so this last week (dec 27-31 to be exact) i had the privilege of attending the story'08 missions conference hosted by pioneers (a mission sending organization that focuses on unreached people groups around the world). seeing that the theme was "story," many missionaries came in from off the field to share snippets of what God is doing in their ministries and in their lives and in the lives of people they're working with. because of some security issues, i can't share complete details or names, but here are a few of the stories i heard that encouraged me.

here's the story of angie, who works in southeast asia. while working in her city, she and her teammates noticed a lot of pink lights in windows and eventually found out that all of those pink lights signified places where brothels were located. they have since started working with prostitutes, are starting a jewelry business, and are praying that God will bring women out of the brothels to the "hospitality apartment" he has provided for them.

or consider the story of a pastor in northern africa who walks about 25 miles every day in order to preach and speak with people about Jesus. he would love some form of transportation to better reach these people, but as of right now he has nothing but his feet. so he walks, day in and day out, to bring the message of the gospel, the message of hope, to the people of his impoverished country.

how about tami, who worked in central asia and met a little girl who needed major reconstructive surgery on her face, took this little girl home to colorado for surgery, and ended up adopting her only by the grace of God. she's currently advocating (from her home in colorado) for children at risk, children like her now 6-year-old daughter, who would have simply been rejected or cast out from society, in order to live out proverbs 31:8, which says "speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of those who are destitute."

or how about wendy, a girl from eastern asia who came to the states to learn english and ended up learning a whole lot more. a friend introduced her to the gospel, and now she is a dear sister who wants to go back to her country and tell her family and friends there about God. her story, and many others, reminded me that if we can't go "out" to the nations, God will bring the nations to us!

i have so many more stories of what God is doing worldwide, and as i process things i learned at the conference i'll have many more of my own stories to share. so right now, as i think about what God's teaching me, i'd love to hear your stories. i want to know what God is doing in your lives, what he's doing around the world, what he's teaching you, my brothers and sisters. what's your story?

on writing...

Mon, 5 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

if you haven't noticed, i've been a bit absent from the world of blogging. okay, so maybe it's been more than just a little while since i've written a blog - in fact, i haven't posted any of my own thoughts since the middle of august. it's not that i don't like writing. as a matter of fact, i do enjoy spinning out blogs and every now and then i'll get really excited about something and will sit down to write, only to completely forget what i wanted to say or i'll think it's not "significant enough" to write about, and you, my friends, don't get to hear any of these amazing thoughts God's been sticking in my head.

well, hopefully that's going to change. a couple weeks ago we world race alumni got an email encouraging us to start blogging again. i mean, think about it - we shared stories on the race of what God was doing, people read them and were spurred to do something: to pray, to get more involved in their church and the missionaries it supports, or to sign up for the race themselves. now that i'm home, i can do the same thing - share stories about what God is doing, reflect back to some things about the race that i didn't share because of lack of internet or whatever reason, and challenge myself and all of you to bring God's kingdom wherever he has placed us. i can be used to encourage other racers who have recently returned "home" and could be going through some of the same things i experienced.

so however God wants to use me, i've got to be willing. he's not going to physically write these blogs for me, but he is going to direct my thoughts and my words (and sometimes he does fill my mind with thoughts and all i have to do is sit down and start typing and they come out). i'm not going to stand here like a girl scout with my hand raised in a pledge that i'll blog every day or consistently every week or anything like that, but i will say that this is one way God wants to use me and i will do my best to listen to him and share. so come along on this post-world-race blogging journey with me, and together we can explore this crazy thing called kingdom.

news from around the world

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

I don't know how many people follow international news, but here are a couple developing stories worth noting.

There is a lot of violence in Mumbai, India (I was in India a couple years ago, and while I wasn't in Mumbai for more than 12 hours at the airport, the whole country holds a special place in my heart). Read CNN's article and follow the stories here: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/11/26/india.attacks/index.html

Also, one of the current world race squads is trying to make their way from Thailand to South Africa, and are delayed because of violence in Bangkok, including the airport. Read the stories here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7584005.stm

Thanks for your faithfulness in praying for people around the world. God always allows things for a reason, even when we may not be able to see or understand.

so I'm home...

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Well, what do you know? I've been home for a little over three weeks already - time has flown here just like it did on much of the race. I feel like I should be starting my goodbyes and preparing to move on to another country, but for now my feet are staying firmly planted on US soil (more or less anyway).

Since I've been home I've run my first 5K (ever!), seen fireworks twice, visited with friends at the camp I worked at last summer, rode the rides at Cedar Point, vacationed with my family at our cottage, started sewing a t-shirt quilt that I started before I left at the end of last summer, bought a plane ticket to go visit people and hang out at the G42 summit in Colorado, and resumed working part-time at my parents' dollar store to make a little bit of money. (Don't worry - I'm working on blogs for a lot of these things, I just haven't had time to breathe, much less time to write).

Before the World Race can officially be done for me, though, I need to finish out my support account with AIM. On paper, I still need $369.50 for their cost of the trip. In reality I had been hoping to raise extra money (through AIM so it can be tax-deductible) to cover the cost of my transportation to and from the race (driving to Georgia and flying back from Florida) and the immunizations and travel insurance I had to purchase for the trip. That stuff adds up to about $1000 extra dollars - bringing me to $1369.50 total. And I just got an email from AIM the other day that they would like to have our support completely in by September 1^st - just under two weeks away. Thanks to those of you who have faithfully donated and also to those who will help me finish this strong. To donate online, please click "support me" on the left side of my blog (rebeccawiltjer.theworldrace.org), or to send a check in, please contact me for the address and instructions.

a big thanks!

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

this says it all:

A Perfect 10

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Back when I was all in to gymnastics, I watched a lot of competitions (and the olympics!) and loved seeing when perfect 10's were handed out. Since this year is almost over, I thought I'd share my perfect 10's with all of you.

10.1: 10 countries we ministered in:

Thailand, Cambodia, Philippines, China, South Africa, Swaziland, Costa Rica, Panama, Guatemala, Nicaragua

10.2: 10 modes of transportation used throughout this year:

airplane, train, taxi, bus, ferry, tuk-tuk (motorized rick-shaw), kombi (African van), moto, horse, foot

10.3: 10 picturesque places I visited:

Bohol Island (Philippines), the Great Wall, Pacific Coast beaches in Nicaragua, Volcan Pacaya (Guatemala), Cape Point (South Africa), "Christmas Island" (Philippines - I don't really remember the name of the island), Stellenbosch (wine country in South Africa), Hong Kong, Khao Yai National Park (Thailand), Alajuelita (Costa Rica)

10.4: 10 interesting foods I tried:

gallo pinto (traditional rice and beans in central America), pigeon, fried crickets, pulled noodles (China), yuca, rambutan (spiky fruit from Thailand), dragon fruit (another spiky fruit that is bright purple on the outside and looks like a dalmation inside), "big plate of chicken" (in china, I don't remember the name but it was literally a huge platter with all parts of the chicken and noodles and onions and potatoes), numbing spice (also China), papoosas (stuffed tortillas in El Salvador)

10.5: 10 people that stole my heart:

Desiree, Eileen, Levi, Fern, Josie, Elzette, Noah, David, Edgar, Mon

10.6: 10 ministeries we worked with:

Tree of Life Orphanage (Thailand), Khmer Christian Association Orphanage (Cambodia), International Care Ministries (Philippines), G42 (Swaziland), Pneumatix (South Africa), YWAM (a variety of places), Ministerio Mateo 5:16 (Nicaragua), New Song Ministries (Nicaragua), Fundacion ProVida (Panama), Centro Cristiano Alabanza (Costa Rica)

10.7: 10 of the international airports I was in:

Bangkok, Manila, Hong Kong, Dubai, Johannesburg, Zurich, Madrid, Bogota, San Jose, Managua

10.8: 10 places I have slept overnight throughout this year:

tent, orphanage floor, house, hostel, train, bus, YWAM base, bunk beds, plane, hotel

10.9: 10 things I have learned this year:

1: God is faithful - He will never give up on me

2: God answers prayers

3: I can't do anything on my own

4: I am His beloved one.

5: Those who are physically poor are often the richest people we met

6: Unconditional love can happen in a short period of time

7: I am needed and valuable

8: God can do ANYTHING

9: I can and do have an intimate relationship with God

10: Laughter really can cure many things

10.10: 10 things you need to know about me before I come "home":

1: I'm broke.

2: I don't have a favorite country - that's like asking for a favorite candy or scent at bath and body works - too many to choose from!

3: I like parties and balloons

4: It's going to take me a while to get used to American things like flushing toilet paper down the toilet and having hot showers and electricity

5: I have thousands of pictures and a story to go with every one of them (and with some places I couldn't take pictures of)

6: If you ask me "how was your year?" I have every right to respond with "how was yours?" - it's not a question that can really be answered because it encompasses so much

7: I do want to know about fun things that have happened in your lives while I've been gone

8: I have no idea what I'm doing after my first week back

9: I look different inside and out

10: I love you and am so thankful for all of you that have partnered on this journey with me - this is not the end!

Canopy Tour!

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

In Costa Rica many of my teammates were able to do a canopy tour, which is a series of ziplines and platforms through the jungle canopy. Since it never worked out for me to do one there, I was super excited when I found out that there was a tour close to where we've been staying in Nicaragua. Kari and I headed out on our day off last Friday and, well...this is what happened: